Someone asked our sexpert, “Is it normal to not always want to have sex with your partner?” This is an important question that all young people need the answer to:
Yes, it is entirely normal not to want to have sex with a partner at certain times or in certain situations. People’s desires and feelings about sex can fluctuate due to various factors such as stress, fatigue, health issues, emotional concerns, or changes in the relationship. It’s important to remember that consent is an ongoing process, and each person has the right to decide when and if they want to engage in sexual activities.
When communicating your feelings to your partner, consider the following steps:
- Be honest and open: Choose a comfortable and private setting to have an open and honest conversation. Be straightforward about your feelings and avoid making excuses or being vague.
- Be honest and open: Choose a comfortable and private setting to have an open and honest conversation. Be straightforward about your feelings and avoid making excuses or being vague.
- Choose the right timing: Find a moment when both of you are relaxed and have time to discuss without distractions or time constraints.
- Use “I” statements: Express your feelings using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say “I’m not feeling up to having sex right now” rather than “You never make me want to have sex.”
- Be clear about boundaries: Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. Let your partner know that you need space or time to work through your feelings.
- Reassure your partner: It’s natural for your partner to have their feelings about this. Reassure them that it’s not about them but rather your own emotions or circumstances.
- Listen to your partner: Be open to hearing your partner’s perspective as well. Creating a safe space for open communication and boundary-setting is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.
- Find alternative ways to connect: While you may not want to engage in sexual activities at that moment, you can find other ways to connect and be intimate, such as cuddling, holding hands, or spending quality time together.
Remember that communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Honest conversations about desires, boundaries, and feelings are essential for mutual understanding and respect between partners. If you find it challenging to have this conversation or if it becomes an ongoing concern, consider seeking support from a trusted friend or therapist to help navigate the communication and any underlying issues. We recommend loveisrespect.org for more information and support!
If you’ve got questions about sex, we’ve got answers — shame-free. Click here to fill out our SEX TALKS form, and our sexpert will get back to you.
